Sad Again!

Something is wrong in my mind and I don’t know what it is. I find it extremely annoying when I don’t know what is bugging me. It’s that time of the year, the best time in my opinion- the holiday season. The weather is nice, the people mostly relaxed, the time is to party and celebrate the birth of a new year. Just that I am not excited at all. About anything! Last year I was so keen to party, this time I am not. Neither on Christmas nor on New Year's eve. It’s a three day weekend on Christmas, some other time I probably would have been asking people of their plans, made some of my own to go somewhere are spend some nice time. This time though, I am not even mentioning it. V asked me, where do I want to go on New year’s. I didn’t have an answer. (Well, this one could also be because every time I travel, I tend to fall sick. So it’s a conspiracy that someone is doing so that I continue in this pathetic frame of mind! Yeah, kidding).

I have already complained about no drive or ambition in my life etc. it seems to be getting worse. At least I used to find the best exercise for a gal pretty exciting – shopping. Even looking at things I cannot afford used to give a kick. Somehow it doesn’t now. There are a few things that I really need to buy, but I just don’t feel like. There are things that I thought I would buy with my first salary– Bose speakers, diamond ring. I passed by Bose showrooms on two occasions recently, and I didn’t as much as spare a glance. How about lamps? I thought I loved them in my room. Well, no, I don’t feel the urge to buy a nice lamp either. Someone said it right, things cannot buy happiness. Right now they do not offer me an escape from the whole screwed up state of mind that I am in. Probably I am saving up for a wedding that might happen sometime? Ummm, no it didn’t make me feel any better.

Christmas weekend is coming up. I am mostly going to be alone in my room, since my roomie is going on a leave. I have planned to cook for myself. Let’s see if I can manage something there. Anyway, the plan is to finish off some pending work – meet friends. I have been putting that off for quite some time now. But why does it seem like a formality? I think I need to be alone ow. Completely cut off from everyone. If not any closure on my mind’s issues, at least it will  help me appreciate the people around me.